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Kookynie Memories

Posted: Fri Nov 15, 2019 2:23 pm
by Terry
Pretty rough but just had to do something before the 18th
Had wanted to do something in the old style but ran out of time;
Next month maybe?

Kookynie Memories

Remember now that old bush pub, the one we called the Grand?
Where beer had flowed, and songs were sung there by an old bush band.
And talk of gold was all the rage around the bar back then
and you and I old mate swapped yarns with bearded mining men.

We camped at Eucalyptus in the shade of gimlet trees,
out where the nightly cry of Curlews drifted on the breeze.
And life was hard you’d have to say back in those times old mate
with damper washed by billy tea, the food we mostly ate.

By day we swung a pick and shovel; rolling up our sleeves;
at night the only sound out there was rattling of dry leaves.
But life was good you must agree for blokes like you and I,
with freedom found out in the bush, beneath a clear blue sky.

© T.E. Piggott

Re: Kookynie Memories

Posted: Fri Nov 15, 2019 5:16 pm
by Shelley
I really like this Terry - it has potential to be expanded to competition standard.

Although perhaps not strictly in the style of Wordsworth and his mates, it still has an "old ballad" feel about it.

Re: Kookynie Memories

Posted: Sat Nov 16, 2019 1:32 pm
by Maureen K Clifford
I like it and agree with Shelley as well Terry - with a little more work on it I reckon you could go places with this - it paints a historic picture, just needs the rest of the story told :D

Re: Kookynie Memories

Posted: Sat Nov 16, 2019 7:40 pm
by Catherine Lee
Hi Terry, remember me...? Ha! Been away for a while but just signed on again today...I agree - As usual you instantly paint a clear picture, and I too think this poem has so much potential to be expanded.

Re: Kookynie Memories

Posted: Mon Nov 18, 2019 1:09 pm
by Terry
Hi Shelley , Maureen and Catherine

As I've said before. but don't mind repeating - you are very generous ladies.

Not trying to make excuses - well I suppose I am really.
I started on a project several months ago, that should have only taken a month or so to complete;
it's still not finished yet.
So apart from the odd rushed homework poem, I haven't written a full length poem for at least 8 months.
But the end of my problems is in sight so hopefully I can get back to serious writing again soon.

Cheers

Terry

Re: Kookynie Memories

Posted: Fri Nov 22, 2019 9:10 am
by Neville Briggs
Good work Terry. I'm afraid I have to disagree, I think you have said all that needs to be said, I think we need to have faith that the reader can fill in the rest of the story, my view is that we need to leave something for the reader to do. I wouldn't change a thing of your poem. ;) :) :)

Re: Kookynie Memories

Posted: Fri Nov 22, 2019 11:40 pm
by Terry
Thanks Neville

I hear what you're saying mate and there's merit in your words.

My only comment regarding this poem is that it would have been nice to perhaps had enough time,
to have searched for a better choice of words in some places.
But then again we're never happy are we; always looking at better ways of doing things.

Cheers

Terry

Re: Kookynie Memories

Posted: Fri Nov 29, 2019 5:53 pm
by Shelley
You raise an interesting and very valid point here, Neville - and it is one I've had to learn.

I've always been a person who likes everything to have an ending, tie off the ribbon, etc. But David Campbell gave me some very good advice with a poem of mine some 5 years ago - and I've always remembered it (though perhaps not always applied it!!)

It is simply - "show, don't tell". So as you say, don't hand the reader everything on a plate. Appeal to his/her intelligence and allow conclusions to be drawn without spelling them out.

It works. The poem I altered after he gave me that advice went on to win the Babies of Walloon trophy. It had been overlooked in previous competitions in its earlier format.

It is something worth noting for all of us, I think.

Cheers
Shelley