Homework prompts 14/3/2013

[Bob Pacey]

Lost

I thought things would be different
but what more could I say.
Your words ring clearly in my mind
“ Forever is our Today “.

The life we spent together
spanned nearly thirty years.
no longer does your calming hand
reach out to still my tears.

Moving on is steeped in sorrow
livings still the same old game.
The past is always close at hand
the future filled with blame.

Out in the city you can hide
eyes meet but see right through me.
A number in this lonely place
My heart so yearns to flee.

Bob Pacey.

[Maureen K Clifford]

I feel the underlying sadness in this piece of work Bob - Parting is such sweet sorrow were words Juliette said to Romeo little knowing that soon he would be gone forever

Nice use of the prompts Bob - well done

Cheers

Maureen

[Neville Briggs]

That's going well Bob. Since this is a workshop;.. line seven might need a bit of thought to make sure it fits the stress count. Just the way my ear hears it.

[Bob Pacey]

Cheers Maureen just wanted to have a go.


Changed that Nev how does that fit.



Bob

[Maureen K Clifford]

Just had a fiddle Bob and do you find this a bit smoother perhaps?


I thought things would be different
but what more could I say.
Your words ring clearly in my mind
“ Forever our Today “.

The life we spent together
nearl spanned full thirty years.
no longer does your calming hand
reach out to still my tears.

In sorrow moving on is steeped,
livings the same old game.
The past is always close at hand
the future filled with blame.

Out in the city you can hide.
Eyes meet but see through me.
A number in this lonely place
my heart so yearns to flee.


Cheers

Maureen

[Bob Pacey]

Did not even keep a copy Maureen but will have a look thanks but my thoughts were for the advice from Greg ?

Write it as you would say it , "" The life we spent together near spanned full thirty years "" not sure that that is how I would talk.

Is that a sort if inversion ?


Cheers off to work in the bloody rain gonna write a poem tonight after the footy was down to my jocks yesterday as they were the only things not wet even went into the rag bag for some old t shirts.

Will post some pics if they come out every rainy day puts us more behind for Easter and we have over 800 kids arriving next week.


Bob

[Neville Briggs]

Perfect.