Homework 18/03/13 - WATERHOLE

[David Campbell]

An interesting challenge, Maureen! As I was one of those encouraging this, here's a starter. The structure of each stanza is slightly different, but it seems to obey your rules. Thank you again for getting us thinking.

Waterhole

Desert sand and stones,
umber and ochre skin
stretched on granite bones.

Gouldian finches fly,
a rollercoaster rainbow
gilding the sky.

Ancient arms stripped bare,
red gums seize the day
in silent prayer.

Wellspring from the earth,
breath of life,
a symbol of rebirth.

© David Campbell, 03/03/13

[warooa]

Anyone seeing a Gouldian Finch in the wild is truly blessed. They are up here but very rare.


Well put, David.

Cheers, Marty

[Maureen K Clifford]

Beautiful David - thank you for kicking it off.

There you go folks that's how its done - what a great example.....and no it wasn't supposed to be easy you've just got to stretch yourselves a little.

[David Campbell]

Thanks Marty and Maureen.

Elsewhere, Marty B has criticised the availability of an unrhymed option for this exercise, but I'll stick my neck out and offer an alternative version of 'Waterhole'...this one without the rhymes, and using the strict 5-7-5 syllable pattern. The question is, which is better? And does it matter? (Warning: if non-rhyming verse is the work of the devil, then look away now!)

Waterhole (second version)

gouldian finches
a rollercoaster rainbow
feathering the sky

umber and ochre
skin stretched taut on granite bones
the desert shimmers

ancient arms on high
red gums seize the dawning day
nature’s silent prayer

wellspring from the earth
haven in a savage land
water’s breath of life

© David Campbell 04/03/03

[Maureen K Clifford]

I'll stick my neck out and say I prefer the 2nd unrhymed one but think in truth there is nothing to pick between them - they both shine. Thank you David