Turn the Key

[Leonie]

I had trouble finding a rhythm for this rhyming pattern. The phrases sort of suggest how it should flow but the ababbc pattern makes it hard to keep it going (at least for me). This is the best I could manage. I know it drifts a bit in places but I liked the challenge, so thanks for that Maureen. I've been a bit bored with my writing lately so it's nice to feel challenged again even if I can't quite conquer it.

Turn the Key
Leonie Parker © 2013

It is time to bite the bullet and there is no time to spare
so it’s best that I am firm and take a stand.
You can question my decision, try to prove that it’s unfair
but you've lost the upper hand
and the future we had planned
is all over now as far as I can see.

I have given you more chances than a mangy dog has fleas
but now time is running out for us I fear.
I have listened once too often to apologies and pleas
when you sounded so sincere
but now it is crystal clear
you've been lying and manipulating me.

So this time I really mean it, there will be no turning back
and please don’t pretend that this comes as a shock.
You've insulted my intelligence too often, now I lack
will to halt the ticking clock
so this time I’ve changed the lock
but it gives me no delight to turn the key.

[Maureen K Clifford]

Works fine for me Leonie - I think you have met the challenge Glad I am stirring you onwards Look what happened last time

[Neville Briggs]

That sounds fine to me Leonie. I can't see anything unrhythmic about it. I think the rhythm is perfect for the subject.

[Leonie]

Thanks Maureen and Neville. The middle stanza is a bit out to my ear because fear, sincere and clear sort of end on a high note and the equivalent words in the other two end on a low note, or is that soft and hard - you know what I mean. Actually those three words really have an extra syllable too if I wanted to be really pedantic. Clock, lock etc. only have one, although clock could be stretched to two if I really tried. I know, I know, now I am overthinking it.

There was another line in there that grated on me a bit too but I've forgotten what it was now.

In case anyone is wondering about "what happened last time". One of Maureen's homework prompts (The muddy Bremer River) earned me a HC in the local poets section of the Ippie comp. Now, while I am always chuffed to get any award a HC is no where near as prestigious (or pay as much ) as third place.

Psst ... Maureen won the third prize ... applause please!

[Neville Briggs]

Hooray Maureen. we need a little animation for clapping hands.

Leonie..I think I see what you mean about the hard and soft sounds. I think that works, no worries, because fear and the questioning of sincere sort of lend themselves to a bit of hesitation, if you like in the context. I don't think clear is weak, fits in the sense quite well for me.

Would it be the first line that bothers you ?

You could consider how you have used abbreviations like it's and you've in the other lines. Maybe against these the first line sounds a bit stiff with it is and there is. You might have to consider a less bumpy way of saying the first line.
On the other hand, maybe the first line should be more formal to show a resolute proclamation to begin with?
decisions, decisions ??
Just my thoughts. I could be wrong

Like the English teacher, Mr Keating ( Robin Williams ) says in Dead Poets Society " We are not laying pipe, we're writing poetry "

[Maureen K Clifford]

I did but you got that fabulous book as well for being the winner of the Faces of Ipswich segment