Oh Marty - that is powerful writing - stark, harsh, tender,poignant. Well done. Inspired piece of work I reckon
I like the set out - it is very different but gee it works well mate.
Cheers
Maureen.
Homework week ending 4/6/2012- Remember mate ?
Moderator: Shelley Hansen
-
Maureen K Clifford
- Posts: 8061
- Joined: Tue Nov 09, 2010 10:31 am
- Location: Ipswich - Paul Pisasale country and home of the Ipswich Poetry Feast
- Contact:
Re: Homework week ending 4/6/2012- Remember mate ?
Check out The Scribbly Bark Poets blog site here -
http://scribblybarkpoetry.blogspot.com.au/
I may not always succeed in making a difference, but I will go to my grave knowing I at least tried.
http://scribblybarkpoetry.blogspot.com.au/
I may not always succeed in making a difference, but I will go to my grave knowing I at least tried.
-
Robyn
- Posts: 542
- Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2011 11:21 pm
- Location: Binalong NSW
Re: Homework week ending 4/6/2012- Remember mate ?
I agree with Maureen, very powerful. The scene comes through loud and clear, with well-paced emotion.
Robyn
Robyn
Robyn Sykes, the Binalong Bard.
-
Neville Briggs
- Posts: 6946
- Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2010 12:08 pm
- Location: Here
Re: Homework week ending 4/6/2012- Remember mate ?
That's good Marty. I don't think that it is disjointed, I'm not sure what that would mean, for me the experience you are depicting would be confused and dislocating, so I think that the style suits the mood. The interrupting "shouts" are a good touch I think, that makes it into a sort of stage drama, which I think is what this sort of poetry is about.
Neville
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.
-
Heather
Re: Homework week ending 4/6/2012- Remember mate ?
That's a powerful poem Marty.
Heather
Heather