ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THE POSTMAN

In the headlines of the paper
in a bold and heavy type
was a question that perplexed me,
but it made for lots of hype.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO OUR POSTMAN
as he's vanished off this earth?
He is short and has a moustache
and yes plump around the girth.

All the evidence suggested
that the last time he was seen
was the lane that leads to our place
and they'd found upon the scene
his red motor bike and mailbag
and some letters strewn about
and Detectives think it's foul play
and of that they have no doubt.

But conspiracies abounded
and they varied 'round the town
from the tale that he'd been fooling
with the wife of big Bull Brown
and old Bull had caught him at it
to the latest one I know
such as Aliens had beamed him
up into their UFO.

But the truth of this whole matter
and what happened folks I fear,
is the front gate was left open
and, the sign that's big and clear,
was ignored by our dear posty
and I sense to his demise
it was me who let the dogs out?"
and that wasn't very wise.

©Bush Poet and Balladeer - Merv Webster

Very funny Merv. Enjoyed it.

Heather

Dang Heather, the old Posty has a large cheque in his bag for me and those muts made short work of it too. Thanks for sharing this.


The Storyteller.

Good one Merv, I bet the posties around the country could tell a tale or two about dogs being left out.

DOG-GONE© Frank Daniel Canowindra NSW 6.7.1995


In the far-off town of ‘Somewhere’ where the drifters come and go.
There’s half a town of locals, and the half that no one knows.

There’s characters that are of note, and there’s leaders in the town,
Druggos, drunks and lay-abouts, and bludgers hanging 'round.

This makes up all the populace and be that as it may,
There’s always something going on every single day.

One fellow that is known to all 's been there since time began,
He’s known to all the locals as ‘that dirty man, old Dan’.

He’s never been known to take a bath, or ever wash his hands,
The smell of him is always more than any one can stand.

Now Jimmy Smith the fencer, had a heeler that was bad,
With a double dose of rabies who was always going mad.

As Dan walked by one evening Jimmy’s dog broke from its chain,
And bolted headlong after Dan a’traipsing down the lane.

He savaged Dan around the legs and bit him on the hand
Till Jimmy fetched him home again to save the poor old man.

The St. Johns blokes attended Dan, the stench near made them cry,
Odds were laid at the Royal Hotel on the time that Dan would die.

The town was in frenzy, but when morning brought another day,
All were surprised to find the dog, not Dan, had passed away.

Can I say,

Not, what has happened to our postman but what as happened to our post (mail that is). I'm sure he comes early so that he has nothing to carry somedays. And many days go by with nothing at all finding its way to my mail box then I get a great bundle of bills all at once. I have been expecting a particular piece of mail for 10 days and still it hasn't come. I am almost mad enough to write a poem about it and send it to the Post Master General. That is if there is such a thing now a days.

I remember me mum telling that when she was a nurse years ago there was a bloke round Goondiwindi like Dan. Homeless for years and when he took real crook one time they put him in hospital but before Matron would let him in the bed they had to scrub him down. Mum said it took a bit of doing and they were amazed that after a few layers they found his old school bag on his back.

The Storyteller.

Did you forget to leave him a beer and some cake last Christmas Zondrae. That really ticks them off.

Blow the PMG bloke mate go right to the top and send it to the red head down in Canberra, but try the beer and cake first.


The Storyteller.