Homework w/e 9/5 'Memories Etched in Fire'

[jakkimay]

‘Memories Etched in Fire’

Ashes swirled around the homestead;
familiar faces gathered ‘round
as they stood in sombre silence
at what was left upon the ground.

They’d run frantically in circles,
but all their hopes and dreams were razed.
Nothing left; now only ruin
from the lethal fiery blaze.

Many homes were lost around them;
worn out faces at every scene.
Unsure if they could recover;
could it have been a dreadful dream?

Truth hit with hopeless desperation -
a hard and cruel malicious blow.
Their dreams stolen in a moment,
reduced to ash in the afterglow.

Some friends perished in the fire;
their names now written in the stars.
They will never be forgotten,
although the years may quickly pass.

As they stood in eerie silence,
amongst the ash and sodden mire,
evoking precious dreams they’d had,
those memories dead, now etched in fire!


© Jakki May #236
27.4.11

[Maureen K Clifford]

Excellent Jakki - good on you - like the way you have told the story here.

Think there is a possibly a wrong word here

as they stood in sombre silence - did you perhaps mean to type stared????

Found it a little bumpy in places - had a bit of a fiddle and came up with this - just for your consideration. Use or loose as you choose

Ashes swirled around the homestead;
familiar faces gathered ‘round
as they stared in sombre silence
at what was left upon the ground.

They’d run frantically in circles,
but all their hopes and dreams were razed.
Nothing left; now only ruin
from the lethal fiery blaze.

Many homes were lost around them.
Sad, tired faces at every scene.
Unsure if they could recover
or was it just a dreadful dream?

Truth hit home. The realization
struck a hard, malicious blow.
Their dreams stolen in a moment
now ashes in the afterglow.

Some friends perished in the fire
their names now written in starlight.
They will never be forgotten
as long as stars twinkle each night.

As they stood in eerie silence,
amongst the ash and sodden mire,
precious dreams once held and cherished
have died with memories – all etched in fire


Cheers

Maureen

[jakkimay]

Thanks for the critique, Maureen. I like what you have done. Much appreciate your thoughts.

Cheers
Jakki