Austrian Bushie (In response to Manfred

[keats]

Mate, I have had to rewrite your poem in true dinkum Austrian style,as yours was not remotely associated with Austria. So here is the rewrite.


You've not been on a mountain where there's flies and cans in fountains.
You’re sitting, bloody yodelling from your favourite Gucci stool.
not been a mountain goat drover. Never "brought the climbers over" -
Sven came and he did all that while you were still at school.

And yet I’ve travelled over this great land with no LandRover
just with a rayon backpack well before you, Mountain Fool.
Spent time in tents of canvas awhile you sat on your fat a**e
in a caravan, with TV set looking like a tool.

You Aussies seem quite simple, with heads just like a pimple.
Laptops, iPhones and an iPod rolled up tightly in bum bags.
I've a block of ice beside me and a frozen dog to tide me
over, till I find a nice slow goat on yonder iced up crags

My mates and I'd go shooting, then round campfire light refuting
'bout the one's who never made it back (their yodelling lacked some bite)
Much later pot a'boiling, with a well cooked old pet dog in;
the bottom of my stomach, Oh, an Austrian's delight.

On mainland alps all grinning, snow that's boring, but I'm *WINNING*
no vegetation; and the landscape - a challenge in it's day.
We'd have no eskies and no compass just adrenalin to pump us,
Journeys of discovery before tourists came our way

Some risks in our adventures broken legs and loss of dentures
there's no one but ourselves to blame should we run out of dog.
Rough "hairy bits" would try us; but no sun above to fry us -
“We all walk in, the strong walk out!” With new possessions and their grog.

Now when I go Alp climbing and I find Australians whining
about the cold and goats and how snow lifts won't take their weight
Permissions and insurance and such fees to test endurance
are all that keep the bar full at our own private chalet .

So you Aussies who come over, ex-ringer or ex-drover
with electronic wizardry and fashions by the score.
Be prepared for nightly muggings after nightly drink spike drugging
For you wake, no clothes, no wallet, and freezing on the floor

But you Pollies, Poets, Bankers, you'll be all considered wankers
for the Aussie tourist over here all sound like Eric Bogle
Now your gadgets lie for sale in our pawn stops or our jail
I still maintain your best survival kit's learn how to yodel.

No fear of my gear failure – I don't use 'Made in Australia'.
My backpack and my snow boots are modest but just right!
Simplicity in packing does not mean that I am lacking
just grog and frozen dog to help me through a snowy night.

I've not seen a gorilla, just hairy Aussies in their villa
Manfred, Muzza, Marco and a bloke they call Jack Drake
Partake of pleasures primal and and like Aussies dressed in vinyl
think they're cool until they step outside, their big mistake

Can I call myself a 'climbie' - with respect, not being whiney
'cause I sorta somehow fancy that the Alps are God's own loft?
Though my bones are getting stiffer, I still long to catch a whiff o’
Those wimpish Aussies going home as I yell "Yeah, Piss Off! .
---

[manfredvijars]

MAAAAATE ... I wish I hada written that ...

[Maureen K Clifford]

Despite the doggie bites. Very witty - you are a clever man

[manfredvijars]

Thank you Mauzy (I think you're cute too) ...

[Neville Briggs]

Neil, I thought it might go to the tune of " Edelweiss ", nah wouldn't work.

[keats]

Neville, anything works if you just sidestep the rules!! lol

*Neil goes off humming a Sound Of Music medley to the words of Mulga Bill*