Sorting Aunty's Statement.

[thestoryteller]

SORTING AUNTY’S STATEMENT

Now banking institutions are a body most can say,
that, yes, they have to deal with; a requirement of our day.
My poor old aunt was one I know who trusted them to care
for all her meagre savings that she trustingly kept there.

Aunt even had a credit card, quite up to date was she,
and used it as one found the need and that was frequently.
Though always paid it right on time, no int’rest then accrued,
a wise old dear was my poor aunt and one could say quite shrewd.

Then in November of last year we sadly got the news
poor aunt had reached her used by date and died while on a cruise.
I had to tidy up affairs and got on with the grind
but two months later got a bill, that kind of blew my mind.

They’d hit her with a service charge for those two months as well
and though the balance had showed nil it now began to swell.
They’d added late fees, interest within this thing I read
and now they wanted sixty bucks from someone who was dead.

I thought I’d better ring the bank and put them in the know,
but truly mate what then ensued sure showed some folk are slow.
The lass with whom I spoke to then let fly with this reply.
“The credit card was never closed and charges still apply.”

“Perhaps Collections need to know.” I hinted back to her.
“They have been as it’s been two months!” she sternly did concur.
“So what will they do when they find my poor aunt’s life is through?”
“The Frauds Division will be told and Credit Bureau too!”

“Please, tell me love do you think God will be quite vexed with aunt?”
“Excuse me? You can’t speak to me like that, oh no, you can’t,
you’re not allowed. I’ll get my Supervisor right away!”
“That just might save your nerves my dear as I sense your dismay.”

I filled the Supervisor in and then came her reply.
“The credit card was never closed and charges still apply.”
It seems you wish to then collect from her estate I fear?”
“Are you her Lawyer ?” squeaked the voice. “No just her niece my dear.”

I gave aunt’s Lawyer’s details, then she asked me if I could
email a death certificate and I said “Yes I would.”
She rang me back and then explained, “The email has come through,
but deaths have got our systems stumped, they don’t know what to do.

Computer software is at fault, a little glitch no doubt.”
I said “I hope you get a win and sort this matter out
but if not then keep billing her I don’t think she will care.
“But fees and charges will apply I cannot help you there.”

“Well would you like her new address as I have that on hand”
That’s nice of you and yes I think those details would be grand.”
The Sacred Heart Memorial on Highway One Two Nine.
The plot is three eight four my dear and that should reach her fine.

There was a sudden silence and I sensed the reason why.
“But that’s a cemetery came the Supervisor’s cry!”
“Well sorry dear that’s simply all the info I can give,
so what’s the go with dead folk on the planet where you live.”

Merv Webster

[Cropduster]

That is a ripper of a yarn, and an excellent poem.



Great work, Merv

Allan

[thestoryteller]

G'day Allan. Been exercising the old grey matter and putting some old yarns folk have sent me into verse. Hope life is being kind mate and all the best for 2015.

Merv

[alongtimegone]

Good story Merv. Very funny - unless true - otherwise very sad.
Wazza

[thestoryteller]

G'day Wazza. Mate I've had folk reply to posts and tell me that there's such an element of truth in it and have had similar experiences.

I guess basically I'm having a shot at human commercialism and its impersonal attitude to real humans.

Have a great day mate.

Merv.

[Catherine Lee]

A great read Merv - and yes indeed there is sadly an element of truth as I have heard of similar conversations happening!

[thestoryteller]

G'day Catherine. Kinda sad the direction life is going with regards to commercialism but I guess it does give us a chance to share their sad tales in verse.

Hope life is being kind.


Merv

[Catherine Lee]

Hi Merv, yes indeed it is sad - putting it in verse to draw attention to how ludicrous it can be is always good though, especially when you have that certain gift to be able to do so. Yes all is well here overall - thanks for your kind wishes and I hope all is well with you too.