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Re: Underground Railway Station
Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 12:50 pm
by Heather
Great poem John. Haven't been on a train for a while but I reckon you captured the scene.
Love the piece from Byron. Fantastic imagery.
Heather
Re: Underground Railway Station
Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 2:06 pm
by Neville Briggs
Um..fine,fine......
No grammar lesson intended Maureen, enjoy your cup of coffee.
John......It's a great choice of subject..Very original.
Re: Underground Railway Station
Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 3:57 pm
by Jasper Brush
G'day Maureen
We have about 7 up trains and down trains a day here. All above ground.
The only underground systems in use are rabbits moving about in burrows.
The rabbit population around here has exploded.
The most graceful interesting mode of transport is by horse. Though these days--not practical.
When I was young I had blond (tight curls) hair. Now I have a head full of tight skin.
The old saying: hair today gone tomorrow.
It's good to see you again Maureen.
Regards,
John
Re: Underground Railway Station
Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 4:16 pm
by Jasper Brush
G'day Heather.
A lot of country railway lines have closed down through lack of patronage.
The city people/workers find the opposite: not enough trains and too many people.
I agree GGB's, 1st stanza, TDOS imagery fires the imagination.
Regards,
John
Re: Underground Railway Station
Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 4:47 pm
by Jasper Brush
G'day Neville.
Hmm... You are observant mate.
I didn't realise the verb caper until you brought it up.
The first, third and last stanza's contain two statements. Two major pauses.
The second verse is a complete statement with minor pauses. (odd verse out)
To bring consistency (because I like the words in the second verse) I should re-write 1,3, and 4 as single statements.
I could get away with a semi-colon after 'go' in the first stanza. The others: three and four would have to be re-written
Thank you.
Regards,
John
Re: Underground Railway Station
Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 7:30 pm
by Neville Briggs
In the end John, I reckon it's about what you want to say and how it falls on the ear.
Re: Underground Railway Station
Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 7:59 pm
by Glenny Palmer
I reckon it's bonza as is.....
Re: Underground Railway Station
Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 8:11 pm
by Jasper Brush
In that case Neville, I'll leave as is.
Thank you for your input.
Regards,
John
Re: Underground Railway Station
Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 8:15 pm
by Jasper Brush
G'day Glenny
Yeah. Not perfect, but it'll do.
Your train of thought is in accordance with what been written.
Thank you.
John
Re: Underground Railway Station
Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2011 10:33 pm
by Bob Pacey
Feels all right, looks all right, must be all right.
Sometimes John you just get that feeling.
I love nothing better then to sit at the airport watching all the people running about all in their own little worlds.
I can imagine the subway would be a fertile world.
Cheers Bob