Gregory North

You'll never guess who I just met.
   That woman, Mrs Head.
      I don't know what her problem is.
      She always gets in such a tizz.
   It's like her hearing's dead!

We only had a little chat
   to pass the time of day.
I said, “We're off to Evans Head”,
then suddenly she goes all red,
   and says, “What did you say?”

“I said, we're off on holiday.”
   She takes a nasty tone,
      “What's this about my husband then?
      You will not pick on him again,
   leave Evan right alone!”

“No, no” I said impatiently,
   “We're off to Evans Head”
      “Just what did Evan say to you?”
      she said, her eyes fair drilled me through,
   “No, Evans Head,” I said.

I said, “I said, not Evan said,
   I said its Evans Head.”
      “There's nothing wrong inside his head,”
      she said. “Well that's not what I said.
   It's Evans Head, I said”.

“Well, don't call me ice-head!” she said.
   Now I was getting red.
      I said, “I didn't say ice-head”
      I said, “I said, 'I said'”, I said.
   “Like Nobby said”, she said.

I said, “Well I don't really know.
   I've not seen Nobby's Head.”
      She said, “Well Nobby said you tease
      and mock as if its your disease,
   he said”. She said, still red.

“And who is Nobby then?” I said.
   “Oh snobby am I now?
      Well just 'cause Nobby's well-to-do
      and has a wife that hates you too
   and said that you're a cow.”

I said, “I don't care what she said.”
   “Oh now its cheese-head eh?”
      she said. “I didn't say cheese-head”
      I said, “I said, 'she said'”, I said.
   “Why didn't you just say?”

“I did”, I said. “Oh Mrs Head,
   why can't you understand?
      We're going to the coast, you see,
      to Evans Head, right by the sea.
   It's just a trip we've planned.

She said, “You said ice-head” she said,
   “and snobby, and cheese-head.”
      I said, “I certainly did not,
      but what about the spray I got
   with all the things you said?

“Use Ed?” she said. “A husband swap?
   Is that what you're about?
      Me? Try your husband Ed?” she said.
      She said, “So what's he like in bed?
   I like a man who's stout!”

I couldn't say another word,
   I had to turn and go.
      I shudder thinking of her rorts...
      I must admit I've had bad thoughts
   about that Nobby, though!